Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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