At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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