Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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