Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
