Someone shattered a urinal.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Vodka?
Forever.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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