Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
