yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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