How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
