it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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