why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
