But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
