Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
