Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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