im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
