I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
