Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Im just a social blackout drinker.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
