her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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