Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
