Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
