Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
