if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
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I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
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can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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