sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
