We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
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It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.