Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?