If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!