i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.