she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family