i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.