my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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