i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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