I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize