we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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