So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Someone signed my nipple.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
