Swine flu. Run for my life!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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