she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
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