if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
