Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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