so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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