my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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