I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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