Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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