Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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