Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I look better un-naked...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
