My sheets look like a crime scene.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
