When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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