Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
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There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize