Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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