So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
