Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
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the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
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I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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