Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
