Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
vagina is talking i cant
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
