I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
