Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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