I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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