i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
