I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
