he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize