Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
