we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
