I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
