He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
