We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
