I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize