every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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